Listening Who Do you Want to Influence


Marriage and relationship complaints about partners not listening are offered by those who themselves often don’t listen.

A husband and father I know complains of his teenage children: “they just don’t listen! How do you get your children to listen?”

A second kind of listening is more often found in business but it’s there everyday in marriage as well. We call it ‘listening with the intention of influencing.’ This kind of listening attends to the values and beliefs, the life story, the current challenges of the one speaking. These then are carefully folded into your response so that you increase your effectiveness in leading the conversation where you want it to go.
In order to influence another person you first have to know ‘where they live.’ Not their street address of course, I’m talking about their inner world.

 Asking yourself critical questions prior to asking someone to listen to you sets up success. Here are a few questions you can think about before your next important conversation.

  • Five critical questions:
  • Who am I talking to?
  • What does he/ she most want?
  • What is he/ she most afraid of?
  • Who does he/ she think I am?
  • Who do I want to be for them?

Ask the questions yourself to yourself. Reflect for a moment on each answer. I know it’s not an easy exercise but, whether you’re trying to convince your partner it’s time to buy a new car, your child to carry out the trash and straighten their room, or a customer to buy your services – these questions will offer you a foundation for intelligent listening.
Once you’ve done your ‘homework,’ it’s time to create your offer. More on creating delicious, irresistible offers, next week.

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