Marriage and the Self Help Dumping Ground

 In Individual Work

I read an editorial in the Los Angeles Times this morning: “California I’m Dumping You.” Then I took a nap. But I couldn’t sleep. The idea of ‘dumping’ disturbed me and I kept thinking ‘I’m not dumping California, I’m embracing it. I’m embracing my marriage too and my life.’

‘Dumping’ has become kind of hip. Many observers advised Mark Sanford’s wife to ‘dump him.’ Eliot Spitzer’s wife also was so advised. I’m in a very different place these days as I notice the effects of my own exit strategies. I’ve dumped friends and left opportunities because they became difficult. While I never thought of my divorces (2) as ‘dumping’ I did give up. Not proud of that but it’s so.

Today I embrace. I embrace conflict within my 20 year marriage. I embrace the challenges of living in California, I embrace the dizzying opportunities of aging, and I work daily to embrace those I love – to become more loving myself.

You can change your focus. Change it from ‘what’s wrong with my life’ to ‘what can I do now to love those I love.’ Help yourself to self help. It’s free. The best book is the one you can write. Here’s a title: “How I went from complainant to compassionate: I created my own self help philosophy.”

It’s no secret. We become what we are today. Our loving expands as we focus on loving and leave behind the tired old question of whether or not we’re loved. I urge you to give it a try.

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