Surprise Attack

 In What is Marriage

Simmering resentments (lit. re-feeling feelings) will unpredictably surface under stressful conditions. You may want to clean house with your own before they surprise you and do real damage.

What’s often misunderstood in the work that psychotherapists do, is this: wounds, losses, betrayals and other damage done to our psychological world – need to be faced, felt, and, as far as possible, resolved. It is often misunderstood because many of us say to ourselves (or others) ‘get over it!’ or, ‘it happened a long time ago, why worry about it now?’

The reality is that significant wounds to our well being aren’t digestible, dissolvable or disposable. They are often resilient and fester within waiting for a trigger experience to release them from their psychic prisons.

Good idea is to inventory them, face them as best you can, and, if it’s safe to do so, share them with an accountability partner. If you do this, they are less likely to show up unexpectedly next time your relationship is under duress – as a “surprise attack.”

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