And Sunday Evening Retrospect

 In The Marriage Paradigm

And Sunday Evening Retrospect in Marriage Conversation

Would it be too much to ask? Ask whether the so called ‘weekend’ was what you wanted. What you signed up for. To ask a question dripping with meaning – why? Why did I do what I did? Why didn’t I do what I thought I’d do? Why did I spend time with ____ and not with _____?

Purpose, Intention, Meaning .. when missing, dumb us down. We become extensions of someone else, or of an agenda we didn’t create. We live ‘as if.’ And we suffer for the lack of true involvement with our own decisions, our purpose.

Of course there are many ‘reasons’ why we do this. We’ve been trained, many of us, to sort of bounce around between the stories and demands of others. School did a great job of that. Parents helped. There were many ‘authority figures’ who figured they knew better than us what our day should look like, how we should talk and respond to others, what we ‘ought’ to value and the ‘most appropriate’ way to spend our time.

Trouble with all those good intentions is they tend to insulate a child from his own passion, her own values and the developing life she alone is intended to live.

Changing the paradigm is a life long project. I’m still working on the old question: “who are you really?”

But clearly, if the discipline of psychotherapy has taught us anything it is this: we are at our healthiest when not focused on popularity or applause. Not only at our best though, we have the greatest chance to contribute meaningfully to the lives of others when fully tuned into our own unique song.

So, when the next unscheduled bit of time rolls around, ask yourself this: Who am I today? What is stirring within me? How would I like to “spend” this time?

Forget the need for approval. Forget the fear of conflict. March right into the center (of yourself) blow the bugle and begin.

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