Marriage as Adventure

 In Individual Work

thoughts on an overcast day

  • If I chose you and now know more about you than when I made that choice, is my uncertainty about my wisdom or about you?
  • Nature brings to Southern California an ‘inversion layer’ – warm air pressing down the cooler air which wants to rise. Today that means we enjoy an overcast sky. Does the cooling oceanic liquidity of emotion manifest in your marriage or does the dryness of desert winds suppress and dampen the spirit of your lives together?
  • All that I learned about relationship as I grew up is a legitimate subject for careful scrutiny.
  • Just how emotionally intelligent are you?
  • The data, the conditions, the base line facts of our shared lives are not and never will be the same thing as the inner world drama, wisdom and depth we bring to relationship.
  • But the two are interdependent.
  • And speaking of interdependence, is co-dependence a diagnosis or an observation?
  • We marry so that we can experience the joys of union – physical, spiritual, emotional, psychological and intellectual. That’s why we call intimacy ‘the work.’
  • We promise children, and they promise us that love’s gifts will manifest through challenges, conflict, developmental change (theirs and ours) and inner growth. The adventure is in the embrace of these things.
  • Men have a good ‘inner mother’ and a bad one as well. The good mother is the source of food, clothing, warmth and inspiration. This image can be inverted and men may see only a witch where the good mother is supposed to live. The witch stirs the cauldron and offers poisoned food, weaves a web that captures the child who waits to be eaten.
  • Women too deal with images of good father and bad father. The good father protects and nourishes his children. His counter part suppresses them, pushes them back into the earth.
  • Healthy relationships depend on the exposure and mutual challenge of these images – asks, ‘is my feeling of suppression coming from you or is it unfinished business within me?’
  • From such questions intimate connections grow.



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