Facing the Reality of your Marriage

 In What is Marriage

“what you seek is within you” the wizard

The morning sun on Monterey Bay cast the softest warmth on the blue green sea and I stretched on the sand and thought about our work – couples clarifying and expanding their idea of marriage. I was in Monterrey having some work done on our 1971 VW bus by a true craftsman who relates to his work like an artist.

While he worked, I rode my mountain bike around Monterey exploring the town eating local food taking in the ambience. I was making room for new work but didn’t realize I was doing that. It’s easy to get consumed by the details and demands of your life and miss the thing that’s trying to emerge. In the work we do together we need a good ear for what’s emerging in our marriage as well as what’s stopping us from loving as fully as possible. This work is not ‘linear’, there’s not a straight line between intention to expand or creatively bring forth the thing we most want but often can’t identify.

You must have courage to believe that your ‘best work’ in relationship is spiritual and if you can see how your intention, sense of purpose, love of each other, love of living – all feed the quality of intimacy you are meant to enjoy, then, you have the possibility of moving beyond a peasant mentality and into a creative space where new avenues of intimacy will open daily.

Making your marriage your ‘art form’ is a way of creating, in the present, a gift to your family, friends and community for few understand that marriage is a living organism always calling for attentiveness, curiosity and fearless loving.

I know many men who have settled for ‘the way things are’ in their marriage (women too) but who use an entirely different approach in their business or work. These men have somehow been seduced into thinking their creative efforts do not belong in the relationship sphere.

This, of course, is also true in politics for those people who do not see that their voice, their initiative, their action is needed and so hide behind cynicism, passivity or worse, hostile attacks on those who are working to make our political system work.

I encourage you to consciously let go of old worn out clichés and attitudes and take a fresh look at what’s being said in the political arena, and by whom it is said. Make a few phone calls, explore the issues, write to your local representative. I know that sounds simplistic but do you have a better idea? I’d like to hear it.

Can you see the parallels between what you want and need in your closest relationships and your attitude towards our country’s challenges?

In Monterrey, I turned from my (inner) fears towards the expansive ocean, I called my wife and told her how grateful I was that she chooses to partner with me and… I asked how she was doing. Then I listened.

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